To a friend in the meantime phase:
You’re convinced he’s taken up getting sloshed every night, nursing his heart with sips from his fourth double Black. You’re willing to bet that that song on the radio totally reminds him of you, because you used to belt it out so perfectly during your KTV dates. You’re almost sure he stakes out your Facebook wall muttering his monologue of regrets. If he’s out seeing the world and having fun, you’re sure he’s wistfully thinking of how everything would be better with you. And during his free time, if he isn’t wondering about what you’re doing, you just know he’s planning his strategy for winning you back and making himself worthy of your awesomeness.
Reality: These sound more like you…and well, not him.
What he shouldn’t do but is currently doing? Canoodle with someone new in a honeymoon high full of promise and kilig. You think: “Shouldn’t I find someone first? Unfair!” It doesn’t help at all they’re posting all their photos on Facebook and exchanging sweet-nothings over Twitter. Hasel. Unfollow. Untag. Unfriend.
That’s the thing about breakups, when things end, you have to deal with two potentially heart-crushing realities: the regret of seeing what you had go to waste and the sadness of all the couldas and shouldas that paint the future of your would-have-been future together. While mending your broken heart, you also need to recalibrate your future without him in the picture. Both, mind you, aren’t easy tasks at all.
I remember some several years ago having dinner with a friend a month after one particular breakup. I was okay, put-together, and was feeling quite awesome. I had lost some weight and was doing exceptionally well at work. Everything, it seems, was aligned with helping me heal. It had been a while since the last time I cried myself to sleep, and I was no longer pining. I couldn’t wait to get all better and completely healed. I had even dated someone else after the split, although it didn’t work out. It was then that my friend slipped: He had a new girlfriend. My world momentarily came to halt. Cue tears that relentlessly streamed down my face. I felt like I was thrusted back to day one.
Looking back, it wasn’t really about him-him, because I had long accepted that we couldn’t have a future together. But, hearing that he had found someone new made me wonder why I hadn’t. It felt sucky, to say the least.
But in some sort of clicheic foretelling, time did heal all wounds, my broken heart included. I learned the benefits of taking my time through healing and in doing so, got myself the life I was meant to have and more. Later on, I even found a better relationship (now, that’s another story). Don’t get me wrong; I still had to contend with nights when I wanted to party to ease the loneliness, when I flirted up a storm to make me forget, and when I got thrown back to day one for the Nth time. But, I remain a fervent believer that giving yourself enough time between relationships allows you to fix your heart on your own and make it ready for the coming of an even better love. More than anything, it gives you a clearer picture of what you really want in a guy, so you won’t have to go through a sucky breakup ever again. Well, hopefully, that is.
He has someone new? Well, so what. Your healing starts today.
Did he move on first? What did you do to get over it? Tweet me about it @zoitseems.
You’re convinced he’s taken up getting sloshed every night, nursing his heart with sips from his fourth double Black. You’re willing to bet that that song on the radio totally reminds him of you, because you used to belt it out so perfectly during your KTV dates. You’re almost sure he stakes out your Facebook wall muttering his monologue of regrets. If he’s out seeing the world and having fun, you’re sure he’s wistfully thinking of how everything would be better with you. And during his free time, if he isn’t wondering about what you’re doing, you just know he’s planning his strategy for winning you back and making himself worthy of your awesomeness.
Reality: These sound more like you…and well, not him.
What he shouldn’t do but is currently doing? Canoodle with someone new in a honeymoon high full of promise and kilig. You think: “Shouldn’t I find someone first? Unfair!” It doesn’t help at all they’re posting all their photos on Facebook and exchanging sweet-nothings over Twitter. Hasel. Unfollow. Untag. Unfriend.
That’s the thing about breakups, when things end, you have to deal with two potentially heart-crushing realities: the regret of seeing what you had go to waste and the sadness of all the couldas and shouldas that paint the future of your would-have-been future together. While mending your broken heart, you also need to recalibrate your future without him in the picture. Both, mind you, aren’t easy tasks at all.
I remember some several years ago having dinner with a friend a month after one particular breakup. I was okay, put-together, and was feeling quite awesome. I had lost some weight and was doing exceptionally well at work. Everything, it seems, was aligned with helping me heal. It had been a while since the last time I cried myself to sleep, and I was no longer pining. I couldn’t wait to get all better and completely healed. I had even dated someone else after the split, although it didn’t work out. It was then that my friend slipped: He had a new girlfriend. My world momentarily came to halt. Cue tears that relentlessly streamed down my face. I felt like I was thrusted back to day one.
Looking back, it wasn’t really about him-him, because I had long accepted that we couldn’t have a future together. But, hearing that he had found someone new made me wonder why I hadn’t. It felt sucky, to say the least.
But in some sort of clicheic foretelling, time did heal all wounds, my broken heart included. I learned the benefits of taking my time through healing and in doing so, got myself the life I was meant to have and more. Later on, I even found a better relationship (now, that’s another story). Don’t get me wrong; I still had to contend with nights when I wanted to party to ease the loneliness, when I flirted up a storm to make me forget, and when I got thrown back to day one for the Nth time. But, I remain a fervent believer that giving yourself enough time between relationships allows you to fix your heart on your own and make it ready for the coming of an even better love. More than anything, it gives you a clearer picture of what you really want in a guy, so you won’t have to go through a sucky breakup ever again. Well, hopefully, that is.
He has someone new? Well, so what. Your healing starts today.
Did he move on first? What did you do to get over it? Tweet me about it @zoitseems.
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